IComLeavWe and Thoughts on Surrogacy

Hey ... I haven't done ICLW for a while, so I figured I would jump in again this month! Here's what it means (from Stirrup Queens): ICLW stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn't it sounds like "I come; [but] leave [as a] we"? And that's sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug--a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations."

So, welcome to my blog, any new readers that have come for ICLW! A quick history of me ... I have 2 year old b/g twins born on April 5th, 2007, the beautiful products of love and IVF/ICSI. They are the light of my life, and the beloved thorns in my side!

I am also currently the gestational carrier of b/g twins for my amazing wonderful sister and her husband. My sister was diagnosed last summer with breast cancer, and just ended all her treatments! The twins are due Aug 22nd. We are super excited about their arrival, and I am honored to have been giving the opportunity to help make their dreams of having a family come true!

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Now, on the to the non-ICLW stuff. I've been thinking so much lately about this whole surrogacy thing. What an amazing journey it's been. It's been WAY harder than I anticipated ... probably because my only experience in pregnancy was WITHOUT any other children at home, so I think I anticipated it being easier than it is. It certainly does not help that my kids are fully engaged in the terrible twos, trying to kill each other, kill me, kill my husband, kill themselves, and kill any stuffed animals, toys, or books within their reach.

But on the days when I'm tired, or uncomfortable, I think about what it all means. Sometimes this whole situation just floors me! I am carrying my niece and nephew. Is there anyway that I could be closer to these kids? I am just so honored that I get to play this role in their lives. They are going to be blessed beyond belief with two parents that I personally believe are two of the most amazing people in the world.

Ya know, you hear a lot of crap in the media about surrogacy. And me and my sister joke that it's outsourcing at it's finest, and how she will look thin at her shower, and she can drink at her shower, and blah blah blah. But I would give anything to put these babies in her belly. And I'm guessing that every single mom who used a surrogate would have preferred to carry the babies herself. So I get so pissed when people talk about all the money that "these IPs (intended parents)" spend so that the mom doesn't have to get fat or get streth marks. I honestly never thought much about surrogacy before we were in this situation. Not that I ever had a problem with it, I think people should use whatever means they can to create the family they want. But it just wasn't something I thought would touch my life. I guess most of us don't think much about it when we start trying to get pregnant. Surrogacy just seems so far down the IF road ... ya know, maybe you try a little Chlomid. Move to IUI, and then IVI. But surrogacy? That's SO far away.

And then it wasn't. It was the ONLY option. And it's such a wonderful one. Maybe surrogates will disagree with me, and that's their right, but to me, the REAL heros in this journey are the IMs (intended moms). The women who give up the dream of carrying their baby so that they can HAVE a baby. I don't mean to take anything away from the Dads, they rock too, but they NEVER expected to carry a pregnancy. But the moms, well, we all DO expect to carry our babies. And to give it up, to put your trust in another person, with THE single most important thing in your life, well, that takes guts. And faith. And complete trust. Sure, the surrogate might deal with more of the day to day aches and pains, the physical ailments, but I don't think it can come close to what an IM deals with.

So, I would like to honor all your IMs today. YOU are my heros. You, who have given up so much, to gain so much. My sister, who is one of the strongest, most beautiful, most amazing women I know. Who faced her cancer treatment head on, with such a strong positive outlook. If only she could see herself as the same women that I see. My sister, who is going to be the most amazing mom to these two precious babies.

I think in this journey, too much focus has been put on me, and what a wonderful thing I've done, but really, I'm just being a sister. Not enough focus is put on what the IM has give up, what faith she has to hold on to, what trust she has to find, and what strength this entire journey takes. Surrogates are awesome, but it's the IMs that are getting my pat on the back today. You ladies are my heros. My sister is my hero.

Caba