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Monday, July 30, 2007

What a difference a year makes!

One year ago it all began. Well, one year and 2 days ago. That was the first day of my shots. 1 in the morning, 2 in the evening. I remember saying to Eric that if our cycle worked, we would have a 3 month old kid or kids by this time next year. It's crazy to think that everything fell into place and we really do have 2 kids, almost 4 months old.

I remember how I cried the day that we went to our doctors and took the IVF class. They explain to you how to draw up the shots in the syringes, how to give yourself the shots, how you need to go to the doctor every other day for blood work and ultrasounds. I left that class so overwhelmed and sad. So sad that this was the way we were going to have to make our family. So scared that we would go through all of this, and there were no guarantees when all was said and done that it would even work.

I can't believe it was a year ago. It's so cliche to say "What a difference a year makes", but I can't help thinking about it, because in our case it is just so true! I still haven't even thrown out all the leftover needles and meds I have. I was afraid to throw them out when I was pregnant, because I felt like I was getting too cocky, like nothing was going to go wrong. So I left them in the house. Just in case. Then after the twins were born, I forgot about them! And I didn't really have the time ... haha.

But sometimes I open up that drawer in the bathroom and see all those needles and it takes me right back. Right back to that scary place. All the fears and worries and stress. For me, I was lucky. We tried IVF one time. We didn't even try IUI. We went right for the big guns. We got 12 eggs, 8 mature enough for fertizilation. All 8 fertilized. 2 beautiful blastocysts made it to Day 5 transfer, and 2 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. And at my first ultrasound, twins!

One of the blogs I read said that I hit was they call "the IVF lottery". First IVF, twins, a boy and a girl. It doesn't get much better than that! And I agree. It's just hard to consider yourself lucky. A lucky person has sex with their husband and gets pregnant the first time they try. A lucky person doesn't battle infertility. But it's ok. Because maybe sometimes the end result makes the journey worthwhile.

My kids are amazing. Eric and I look at them all the time and are just like "Holy crap! We made them" ... and yes, we know that we needed a little help from the doctor. But genetically they are me and my husband and they are so beautiful and it's amazing! So I keep reflecting on what a difference a year makes. I honestly don't think I would change the journey it took for us to get here. I think it some ways it brought me and my husband closer to go through this together. It made us really evaluate how much we wanted a family. And it grounds us on the days when we want to run away from the twins when they are driving us up the wall. Without fail, one of us will look at the other and say "Just remember how much we wanted this". And we do. We remember. Especially a year later.

I want to congratulate my fellow bloggers who got BFPs (big fat positives on their pregnancy tests) recently. Your exciting journey has just begun!

And of course, no post would be complete without some pictures of the babies!
Jake sucking his thumb


Jake and Mom smiling

Erica and Eric

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I'm a slacker ...

I know I haven't updated in a while. Yeah, it's a bit busy around here. It's good and bad. The good is that they are sleeping longer and longer at night. They usually go down around 830pm and wake up around 630am. Yeah for 8 straight hours of them asleep! The bad is that all that sleep at night is allowing them to stay up more during the day. It's tough, because that aren't really able to "play" yet, so it's a round robin of the swing, the bouncy seat, the play mat, and then we start all over again. Nothing holds their interest for all that long. So it's tiring on me. I used to be able to get a lot done during the day because they slept so much. Now it's these little half hour cat naps, and then are beckoning for attention again. I love them to death, but boy does it get to be a lot.

I actually am really looking forward to going back to work. I'm sure that isn't a very popular opinion among moms. After wanting to get pregnant so bad, you would think I would be dying to stay home with them. Not so much really! haha. They are great and fun and wonderful, but I miss being smart. I miss using my brain and going to meetings and being creative and actually doing web development. I NEVER thought I would miss work. But I do! I miss adults and adult talk, I miss lunch hours where I am allowed to eat. I miss showering and getting dressed every day. Its HARD to be a mom that stays home all day. I give SAHMs a lot of credit. I just don't think it was meant for me. And being in the computer industry, it's not like I can take a few years off and go back and suddenly just pick up where I left off. The technology changes so quickly. I would lose my position, my sslary, it wouldn't be easy to go back. I'm sure I am going to be so sad when I first drop them off at Christina's, but I know they will be treated wonderfully by her. So I have no worries about that. But I think I will be a better mom for making sure that I don't lose a part of myself that is pretty important to me. I actually like my career.

Ok, enough of that boring stuff! More pics!

The kids had a very busy 4th of July week. Monday we had a visit with my friend Aimee and her two kids, Alexis and Cooper, ages 5 and 3. Then Tuesday me and my mom took the kids down to my sisters shore house. They were so good, and we even brought them on the beach and set up there little tent and put their car seats in it, and they just happily hung out. Here's a cute pic of them on the beach.
Twins at the Beach

Then on the 4th we had a picnic at my parents house with Eric's parents and aunt and uncle. It was very funny and the twins wore cute 4th of July suits.

Then on Thursday Aunt Jen came to visit so the twins could meet their cousin Gracyn who is about 2.5 months older than them. It was very surreal for me and Jen to sit there and look at all the kids who we didn't have in our lives 1 year ago!

Then on Friday me and Eric got a nice break and went back to my sisters shore house, without the kids, who stayed with Grandma and Opa! It was very fun! We hung out on the beach, drank, went to dinner, drank, etc. It was nice to feel like we had a day that wasn't fully centered around diapers and bottles.

So that's the update from the twins front. I decided to do a nice little photo shoot today, so here are some cute pics. I can't get enough of these kids!


And just when you decided its all dress-up and no fun over at our house, here is a picture of Jake with his special binky Aunt Chrissy bought him!
Jake and his silly Binky

Erica and Eric