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Monday, July 30, 2007

What a difference a year makes!

One year ago it all began. Well, one year and 2 days ago. That was the first day of my shots. 1 in the morning, 2 in the evening. I remember saying to Eric that if our cycle worked, we would have a 3 month old kid or kids by this time next year. It's crazy to think that everything fell into place and we really do have 2 kids, almost 4 months old.

I remember how I cried the day that we went to our doctors and took the IVF class. They explain to you how to draw up the shots in the syringes, how to give yourself the shots, how you need to go to the doctor every other day for blood work and ultrasounds. I left that class so overwhelmed and sad. So sad that this was the way we were going to have to make our family. So scared that we would go through all of this, and there were no guarantees when all was said and done that it would even work.

I can't believe it was a year ago. It's so cliche to say "What a difference a year makes", but I can't help thinking about it, because in our case it is just so true! I still haven't even thrown out all the leftover needles and meds I have. I was afraid to throw them out when I was pregnant, because I felt like I was getting too cocky, like nothing was going to go wrong. So I left them in the house. Just in case. Then after the twins were born, I forgot about them! And I didn't really have the time ... haha.

But sometimes I open up that drawer in the bathroom and see all those needles and it takes me right back. Right back to that scary place. All the fears and worries and stress. For me, I was lucky. We tried IVF one time. We didn't even try IUI. We went right for the big guns. We got 12 eggs, 8 mature enough for fertizilation. All 8 fertilized. 2 beautiful blastocysts made it to Day 5 transfer, and 2 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. And at my first ultrasound, twins!

One of the blogs I read said that I hit was they call "the IVF lottery". First IVF, twins, a boy and a girl. It doesn't get much better than that! And I agree. It's just hard to consider yourself lucky. A lucky person has sex with their husband and gets pregnant the first time they try. A lucky person doesn't battle infertility. But it's ok. Because maybe sometimes the end result makes the journey worthwhile.

My kids are amazing. Eric and I look at them all the time and are just like "Holy crap! We made them" ... and yes, we know that we needed a little help from the doctor. But genetically they are me and my husband and they are so beautiful and it's amazing! So I keep reflecting on what a difference a year makes. I honestly don't think I would change the journey it took for us to get here. I think it some ways it brought me and my husband closer to go through this together. It made us really evaluate how much we wanted a family. And it grounds us on the days when we want to run away from the twins when they are driving us up the wall. Without fail, one of us will look at the other and say "Just remember how much we wanted this". And we do. We remember. Especially a year later.

I want to congratulate my fellow bloggers who got BFPs (big fat positives on their pregnancy tests) recently. Your exciting journey has just begun!

And of course, no post would be complete without some pictures of the babies!
Jake sucking his thumb


Jake and Mom smiling

Erica and Eric

1 comment:

Suzanne said...

Thanks for your post! I've been feeling down in the dumps a little with all this stuff happening, it's good to know I am not the only one. :) Congrats on your boy/girl twins, I was so hoping to win the IVF lottery as well, but now, I am just thankful to hopefully have our daughter arrive when she's nice and healthy :)